Burk, no 'e'

Kara Lee Burk's Guide to Cover Letters

2007-10-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

(I wrote this a while ago. Was clearing out some stuff, so I thought I'd add it to my blog. Don't take it as advice, as I'm currently a temp, so I can be of little help to anyone...myself included. ;) )

GENERIC GREETING
Dear ____ ,
a. Recruiter
b. Mr. or Mrs. ___ (make sure you know if they are male or female...)
c. Sir or Madam (see note to "b.")
d. Rich Uncle Wentworth (but, let's face it, if had a rich uncle, you wouldn't need to write a cover letter in the first place)

OPENING PARAGRAPH - POW!
Hit them with a brilliant first line. Trusting you don't have your own personal salesman who will e-mail them, call them, show up eerily on their doorstep at 3 am telling them how awesome you truly are and how they should really take the time to look over your stuff, you have to keep them reading…

SECOND PARAGRAPH – Deja vu? (or…isn't this the same stuff that's on my resume?!)
Consider it the "Best of" your resume. Highlight the really good stuff, but more importantly how it (and you) is exactly what the company needs and is looking for. Perhaps something like this:

"…5 years very relevant experience…After graduating from a very prestigious university I began working with the best of the best company in my field as a highly impressive position…and earned the very impressive award for a very noteworthy work…and so on and so forth…"

(like when used in movie reviews the "…" gets to the good stuff. For Seinfeld fans, feel free to replace the "…" with "yada, yada, yada")

CLOSING PARAGRAPH – You have a little something brown on your nose…
Profusely thank the reader of the cover letter. Thanks to our present economy they will be reading a lot of cover letters, if you were lucky enough to grab them with your afore mentioned "Brilliant first line", you don't want to lose them at the end of the letter by letting your eagerness cross the line into over-eagerness. Simply: You have one little paragraph to prove to the reader that you are fully qualified but not over qualified, talented but not cocky, one-of-a-kind but able to collaborate in the creative process, team player but a good leader, level-headed, grounded….oh. and don't forget to be totally honest and modest.

SIGNATURE – Choose your own adventure
A. Sincerely
B. Yours Truly
C. Thank you, thanks, thanks again!! (see over-eager)
D. none
E. All of the Above

of vocab and Transformers...

2007-07-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

Remember in elementary school when you had weekly vocab lists for spelling? Sometimes themed, sometimes random words that used similar spelling techniques (“I” before “e” and all that).

Regardless, sometimes you had to write sentences with them, sometimes you had to make a little word search for them. And, sometimes….sometimes you had to make a story. To press these 20 or so words into a one-page story, was a challenge. And, often a bit of a stretch and didn’t quite make sense…but, cheesy as it was, I loved it -- To see how you can form a story around words you HAD to use.

And, now a grown-up…years past spelling tests and one-page stories, I can’t help but appreciate a new form of vocab word story. Of course, now the vocab words consists of brand names. Things like:

Hasbro
Chevy
Camaro
Hummer
Xbox
Nokia
…Transformers

Sure, you can work them together, and write a story. And, there’s something somewhat impressive, you may even get a good grade (or make a lot of money)…but it’s a bit of stretch. And cheesy as it is…I still kinda love it –to see how they form a story around products they HAVE to use.

...by the time you read these lines I'll be gone...

2007-04-20T22:53:00.001-07:00

Dear New York,

I love you...as a city. But, I'm not in love with you anymore.

I thought we'd be together forever. I imagined growing old with you walking down your streets and watching us both change and grow...And, really, who knows? As our paths have diverged for now, maybe someday we could be together again. But, for now...it's best if I leave you.

Every time I see you with your other lovers, I realize you love them in a way you don't love me anymore. They're lucky to have you, and I can't say I'm not jealous when I see you together.

It's not you, it's me. I think we both know that we've been growing apart for a while now. My heart used to race at the mere thought of you, spending late nights alone with you and days walking with you, you felt like home. But, then something changed, we grew apart. My path took me away from you, and it hurt that you didn't try to get me back.

I thought L.A. was a fling, but it's more than that.

I still think I see you everywhere, every movie, every tv show, you're always there, when I walk around the lot on lunch, I keep thinking I see see you in the city facades, and when I turn, you're gone. How can I get over you, when you're everywhere I go?

So, good-bye (for now?)

Love,
me

Unemployed Housewife seeks Job

2007-02-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

Has it really come to this? I recently came across this resume...

RESUME
XXXXXXX XXXXX
Phone: XXX - XXX - XXXX
E-mail: XXXXXXXX@XXXXX.com

GOAL: Seeking employment as a housewife.

EXPERIENCE
Chef

Cooking with passion for healthy and delicious meals
Creating daily menu plan
Baking for special occasions
Specialist in Midwestern comfort food

Interior Decorator

Creating a stylish yet comfortable home environment
Designing and shopping on a tight budget
Basic carpentry skills

Party Planner

Conceiving and implementing of party occasion / theme
Martha Stewart inspired hostess
Creating a full-menu with attention to detail

Child Rearing

Maintaining a stable, loving yet firm childhood for offspring
Conceiving and implementing fun and educational activities for kids age 0-18
Over 15 years professional babysitting experience

Lover

Creating passion and excitement in the bedroom
Saving herself for you!

EDUCATION
Apprenticeship with Mom (winner of the best mom ever award 28 years running)
School of Martha Stewart – Graduate.

SKILLS
Shopping, crafts, lunching, valid driver’s license.

OTHER EXPERIENCE
Volunteering, day job, gardening.

Conception Day Party

2007-01-11T23:17:00.001-08:00

I didn’t tell anyone, but yesterday was a very big day. Perhaps the most important day of my life…

You see, my birthday is September 10th, yesterday was January 10th – that’s right all you math whizzes, January 10th is my Conception Day! (shh…science whizzes, I don’t want to hear you talking about how most women aren’t pregnant exactly 9 months…let me have my day!)

I want a party celebrating the zygot I was! So, let’s party womb style!

So where’s my fetus cake? My pin the sperm on the egg? My mom regaling the day when she and my dad….eww! Gross…yuck! (recoiling in horror and trying not to barf)

Ah...okay, now I know why we don’t have Conception Day Parties, because that would be admitting our parents had sex (so maybe I’ll plan a Stork Day party because my parents never did it.)

…but playing pin the sperm on the egg would still be pretty fun….

Temping is a lot like dating...

2007-01-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

Temping is a lot like dating…

It’s a lot of sitting by the phone,hoping and wishing it would ring.

You always go in with high hopes thinking this could be something good, something lasting, something fulfilling…It’s not .

It sucks! At least today…but tomorrow could be stellar, and I could find my one true job! One true job? Wait…uh...hmm, I guess I’m not ready to commit. :)

At least dating has some potential benefits... ;)

Double Feature

2007-01-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

After class yesterday, a couple of the guys and I went to the movies. The movie we were planning on seeing was sold out for the showtime we wanted, so we decided to do a Double Feature. I consider it training for Sundance. Here's the movies and my thoughts (not a review, just my silly ponderings)

DREAMGIRLS - Thank you for making Detroit look good! (Okay, so there were the riots and the ghost town-ness of it today, but it still brought to surface all my love for that city.) The beautiful architecture, the characters, the passion for the arts, this is the Detroit I love! (Of course there's also the swindlers, the sellouts...hell, today I love them too...but don't ask me tomorrow)

CHILDREN OF MEN - Like 28 Days Later, without the zombies. Of course I also went to the whole spiritual/philosophical meaning of everything...like baby Jesus...I mean Dylan...To me, it showed how it's human nature to turn a non-political figure (uh...a non-partisian BABY) into a political hero/enemy/commidity, but just 'cause it's nature doesn't make it right... the world needs hope not a political agenda.

Credo

2006-12-22T18:46:00.000-08:00

For my writing program I had to write a 'credo' (translates literally 'I believe') It started by brainstorming films / books / stories that say something to us. To write 'I believe' statements. The final assignment was 2 pages of our personal experience that illustrates some we believe. Here's my story:

Disclaimer...I do talk a bit about my spiritual life in this...don't judge me ;)

The windows fogged as his car sat idle in the driveway of my on-campus cottage. We’d been there, I don’t know…an hour, a minute? It didn’t matter. We were in it hot and heavy, and I didn’t want it to stop. Ever.

“It”, of course, being conversation, and “hot and heavy” because it was deep. Very deep. In fact, C. and I were engaging in the second most intimate act known to man: we were talking philosophy.

We weren’t philosophy virgins, mind you. See, opposites attract even in conversation. He was the bad boy from Las Vegas who drank, had sex and didn’t believe in God. I was the Midwest Christian girl, who didn’t drink (much), didn’t have sex and believed in God…Thus, began the affair.

Every week he would drive me (the 3 blocks) home after improv rehearsal, we’d sit and talk for hours and then off I would go reeling into my cottage, breathless, and completely exhilarated, eager to face my roommates‘ endless questions of what exactly we’d been up to in the driveway for the past few hours.

C. and my conversations always began innocent enough. Talking about improv, pop culture, current events…but soon we always headed down that slippery slope that could only end in one place…dare I say…we talked about God.

I loved philosophizing about God. I thought if I worded it just right, showed the gospel as logical yet magical, he would convert, love God, and everyone would live happily ever after.
C., had no hidden agenda, he was taking an “Intro to Philosophy“ class, and he just enjoyed a good brain fry via deep thoughts. At the moment he was transfixed by Nietzsche’s theory of the Uberman.

As our conversation grew to a climax he looked at me so intensely I thought “this is it.” He’s got it, God had spoke to him, revealed his glory, and all that crap.
“Do you ever wonder if you’re “it”?” C. asked.

“’It?”” I asked .

“Yeah, that you’re the one, you’re God.” He asked no sarcasim, no hidden smile.

Silence. This was the most intimate moment C. and I had ever shared. As I went to answer with my intellect, my big words, and hopefully a little charm, I found I had already spoken.
“Yes”, my voice said without my permission. “I have. But the fact I ever had to wonder proves that I’m not.”

Silence. That simple realization was simply something I had never realized myself. I’m not God.

C. exhaled. “I’m not God”

“No.”

“I’m not God.”

“Nope.”

“Huh.” He looked into the distance.

We tried a bit to recover the conversation, but the innocence was lost. After an awkward time, I found my departure. That night I went inside my cottage reeling with realization. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. But, when I faced my roommates’ questions of what exactly C. and I were up to, I didn’t tell them. It didn’t seem right to philosophize and tell.

Web-site Woahs

2006-07-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

So my web-site...karaleeburk.com is down. And with it went my blog postings from it. Argh!!!

I'm not the most regular of blog posters, but it stinks that their gone. It's like the internet is a giant classroom, and I was caught passing notes instead of doing my work so it was confiscated by the teacher. Since I write my blog entries at home and not on work time, I tried using this excuse on the internet principal, but it was too late, it had already been destroyed.

(sigh) at least they didn't get my pack of gum

1st World Transcript

2006-03-26T21:57:00.000-08:00

Transcript of Improv from 3/5/06 The World Show Players:

Shelly
Kara
Aaron

Aaron: And now, we're going to do improv for you, and it's going to be the first time there's ever been improv in The World. (audience laughs)

Aaron: And so we hope you like it. This is some theatrical improv, long-form type stuff, and right now, I'd like to bring up The World Reparatory Company. So please everyone, welcome The World Reparatory Company. (audience applauds) Aaron: To start off, we need, oh… a universal theme. You know… (audience member shouts out "death")

Aaron: Death. I was going to give an example, but you've got it. (audience laughs)

Aaron: Death. [Everyone arranges themselves on the backline and Aaron walks forward]

Aaron: I, uh, haven't really experienced that much death myself, except for my grandparents. On my mother's side. My grandparents on my father's side died when I was a baby so I didn't really know them. My last grandmother, Grandma Helen, died a year ago, actually a year and a half ago during the big hurricane down in Florida, because that's where the old Jews go to live and we actually couldn't go down there for her funeral to bury her because the ground was super saturated and she would have floated away. (audience laughs)

Kara: I can't keep a diary – I call it the Anne Frank complex because I just don't think my day to day crap would be worth reading and translated into thousands of languages after I …uh, die. So I don't write it down, therefore I will live eternally. (audience laughs)

Shelly: Um, I kind of think it's interesting the concept of things being everlasting versus eternal. Have you guys ever seen the Power of Myth? Or read it? Or know anything about that? Anybody? It's sort of like all these things, these philosophical things about life and what's important to get across in this world, and it's not…and even like Gods and myths in our culture that we create that everyone understands and then deals with death and power. But he was talking about the difference, basically this guy Bill Moyers interviews this guy Joseph Campbell, who's just this guy that knows a lot. But it's so fascinating because it's like eternity, where you think you're going, or whatever you have religiously you believe when you die, is very different from something being everlasting. For example, Heaven is eternal, but it's not everlasting…? (audience goes "hmmm" and laughs) [Aaron moves forward and begins boxing up materials]

Aaron: Alright, let's go! Let's start packing this shit up, we've got to move out of Heaven; the lease is up!

Kara: Jesus!

Aaron: I'm doing the best I can, alright? You know, I only got two arms here! [Aaron spreads arms, crucifixtion-style] (audience laughs)

Kara: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll use my third arm sometime, I swear.

Aaron: You know, maybe if you didn't let the archangels go, Dad, maybe they could have helped us, you know, fly things around.

Kara: Son, you do not question me…I'm all knowing.

Aaron: You know what? The eternal, all-knowing thing is getting old. Okay? I'm sorry, eternity is over, you're not everlasting.

Kara: Jesus, you forgot omnipotent.

Aaron: I'm sorry, Dad, God, you're omnipotent, all-knowing, Godhead, alright? But who does the dirty work in the family? Mua! I'd like a little payback now. We're getting out of Heaven, I think it's time for me to shine a bit more.

Kara: The dirty work, Jesus? Oh, come on. I started the dirty-work, you're just following in the family business, alright?

Aaron: I don't see a crown of thorns on you. (audience laughs) [Shelly knocks]

Shelly: Come on, in, Spirit. Shelly: [Note: Shelly plays the Holy Spirit as a very nervous character, looking down a lot] Hi, how're you? Hi. Hi. I don't want to look you guys in the face, because you're big, important people.

Aaron: Your head would explode.

Shelly: Yeah. But where would I go? Here! Haha! (audience laughs loud) Shelly: Anyway, uh, I'm sorry, I'm making jokes. So, uh, there's people who are complaining because they just got here and they're upset because they thought it would be different. And anway…

Aaron: It's the Jews. (audience laughs)
Aaron: Complaining Jews!

Shelly: Yeah, I know, they might be… You're, uh, it's big. Should I send them down, or, what would you like me to do? You know, down to the, uh, place where there's fire.

Aaron: Hell? Shelly: Yeah.

Aaron: Hades? Shelly: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kara: Jesus, just because you spent three days there, don't act like you know it!

Aaron: I know it better than you, Dad…

Shelly: Oh, uh, yeah, okay.

Aaron: Well, yeah, don't send them down, just have them wait down in Purgatory. Because Hell has to move out, too.

Shelly: Well, uh, okay. The other question is…

Kara: Yes! The answer is 2004.

Shelly: Right. The third thing, no one knows where we're going.

Kara: Well, shit. You figured that out, huh?

[Transition]

Aaron: Ooooh, I am so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Johnson.

Shelly: Thank you… I am, feeling relieved, I don't know. There's something about…

Aaron: Sad? Shelly: Yeah, I dunno, but there's something about…he was such a bastard.

Aaron: Such a bast…ard?

Shelly: Such a bastard! You know he hit me? Oh! Good God.

Aaron: No, I'm so sorry. The people are going to be here for his eulogy…

Shelly: Well, he deserves it, doesn't he? Hah!

Aaron: I can understand your pain, Mrs. Johnson, but don't you want the people who are there to pay their last respects to say something nice about him?

Shelly: Something nice about him?

Aaron: Well, a eulogy is traditionally something nice. You don't… "Mr. Johnson was a fuck who beat his wife" doesn't usually work. (audience laughs)

Shelly: Right. So, the whole idea of showing the big lash across my back isn't going to cut it. Is that what you're saying?

Aaron: Mrs. Johnson, you're paying for the afternoon, you can do that if you want to. I just don't know if the family's going to be happy with it.

Shelly: I just think people should know what a monster this man was.

Aaron: [breathes deeply]

Shelly: They should know.

Aaron: Okay, it's your family's funeral, so… [Kara enters the scene]

Kara: Mrs. Johnson, I am so sorry, I feel like I never knew Mr. Johnson.

Shelly: Hah, yeah, not many people did!

Kara: I feel like he was such a great man.

Shelly: Yeah, he was, especially when he wasn't on the liquor bottle. The liquor bottle I would hide in the sock drawer, haha!, away from him. [Aaron writes on a notepad]

Aaron (aside): Liquor bottle in the sock drawer…

Shelly: I should've just thrown it out, you know? But instead, you know, he'd pick it up, finish it, and crack it on my head. (audience laughs)

Shelly: Oh, that little bastard!

Kara: Oh, I feel like I've just become closer to him!

Shelly: I know, I know, I was hoping that reaction would happen. I was like [pantomimes a gun in someone's mouth], when I put this gun in your mouth and pull the trigger, Nancy's going to come in here and feel like she knows you – "Urough! Urough!" I was like, "What?" Bang! Haha! (audience laughs)

Shelly: He was such an ass! What an asshole!

Kara: Thank you for sharing that! Shelly: You're welcome, you're welcome. Don't touch me, though, I hurt.

Aaron: I don't mean to interrupt your moment, but did you just confess to murdering your husband? Did I-did I hear that?

Shelly: Umm…er….hah…what?

Aaron: You know what, I'll just pretend I didn't hear it.

Shelly: Yeah, no.

Aaron: We're all ready, if you would just take your seats.

Shelly: I'll sit here! You can sit if you want!

Kara: Oh! Thank you! Aaron: I want to thank everyone for coming out for coming to…uh… [Shelly breaks out crying]

Aaron: Mr. Johnson's…Billy Johnson's funeral. Before we begin, Mr. Johnson had just one request before we start, he left this liquor bottle here by his socks and he… [Aaron hits Shelly on the head with the bottle]

Shelly: Ugh! [Shelly falls off her chair to the floor]

Aaron: Good old Bill Johnson. [Transition]

Kara: I finally finished it!

Shelly: You're diary? Mary, you finished your diary?

Kara: It's not my diary, it's-it's my whole memoir, it's all of who I am. There's nothing left inside of me.

Shelly: Nope! You're completely spewn upon words that are spewn upon paper that are spewn a notebook that are spewn upon your hands that are spewn upon your body that are spewn upon the floor that are spewn upon the Earth that are spewn upon the mantle that are spewn upon the core of the Earth that are spewn upon the energy lifeforce that makes everything go round. (a lot of audience laughter here) Shelly: Pretty awesome.

Kara: Yep. My purpose is done.

Shelly: Yep and that is a good purpose.

Kara: Yep, so I'm just going to take it easy for the rest of my days.

Shelly: Right, you're just going to let everything out. You're going to breathe in and then you're going to breathe out. And then the molecules that exit you will enter the leaf of a plant and that plant will take in those molecules that came out of your lungs and that plant leaf will grow and grow… [Aaron steps forward]

Aaron: Cut to half an hour later. [Aaron steps back]

Shelly: And then the world will combust and we will be in Heaven, but it won't really exist because they have to move because everything is changing and that's the only constant. Pretty amazing.

Kara: Yep. What did you just…yes…

[Transition]

Aaron: You're um…I'm sorry, I had to put Mrs. Whiskers down.

Kara: Oh God… Aaron: Yeah, but it was the best thing for her.

Kara: Oh, God.

Aaron: I'm sorry, Sally, I know she was important to you, I know she was important to you – important to you – but she was too loud.

Kara: No, you're right, she was loud.

Aaron: But it was obvious she was in pain and I can communicate with cats and she was like, "meow," and I knew it was time.

Kara: Well, um, God, I feel like I should give you something for your troubles?

Aaron: It's no trouble, it should be covered by your cat health insurance.

Kara: Oh, that.

Aaron: It's okay.

Kara: Um, Dr. Richards, I sort of slacked on the cat insurance thing. I thought if it was her time to go, she would be hit by a car, I didn't think I'd have to put her down.

Aaron: Oh, well, in that case, I'll have to keep her then. [Puts cat in a drawer]

Kara: Oh, well…that's fine. If I don't have to pay I'll just [points off stage behind her]…go 'cause, alright then.

Aaron: You look like you're in a little bit of pain.

Kara: Oh, yeah. Aaron: I can give you a little something for that. [Pulls out a large needle]

Kara: Oh, well, no…I can't pay you for that, but…

Aaron: Oh, no, it's free.

Kara: But putting me out of my misery would be great. Cutting my wrists would just be too messy.

Aaron: Well, you know what? [Pulls out cat]

Aaron: Happy Birthday, I'm just kidding. She's alive, you can take her. I'm just kidding, I'm not even a real veterinarian. [Pulls off mask] (audience laughs)

[Transition]

Shelly: Wow. I don't know, because, is theatre dead?

Aaron: Theatre doesn't die.

Shelly: That's what I'm thinking, because I'm reading it, and I'm thinking, "it's not dead." Or, it's like the only alive art. Because it's in the moment, it's alive. But this man in the New Your Times is like, "It's dead." God, the New York Times these days.

Aaron: You can't listen to the Times. The Times are…behind the times.

Shelly: Oh, Earl!

Aaron: Wit ain't dead either!

Shelly: I don't get it, but I'm so glad I married you anyway.

Aaron: Our marriage. Is like…a bumblebee with human eyes.

Shelly: Yes, yes, it can, uh, uh, we know it.

Aaron: That's not what I meant.

Shelly: Yeah, I'm very happy for it. I like buying you milk. You like 2 percent. It's great. It gives me such purpose. Sometimes, you know, I see other people, they have babies, I don't, we don't….

Aaron: Babies…oh-ho! So pase! Babies create…windmills.

Shelly: Yes, because they all breathe and it all…connects. I think I read about that once in a magazine. It was the colored one about the USA. [Aaron presents her with a cake]

Aaron: Happy Tuesday, darling. Blow out the candles.

Shelly: Oh! Aaron: Just like theatre.

Shelly: Because the flame was alive and now it's dead. Remember when I had the baby and it died? I remember that.

Aaron: It was alive…

Shelly: I was trying to remember that and I became confused because…

Aaron: And then it became theatre.

Shelly: And it was like being alive in me and then it was…we buried it. It's a shame we can't have kids.

Aaron: We can try again if you want to.

Shelly: Oh, phoo! There's more milk to be bought!

[Transition]

Kara: Roger?

Aaron: Mary?

Kara: I broke the toaster.

Aaron: Oh, congratulations, finally.

Kara: No, Roger!

Aaron: Mary.

Kara: I broke the toaster.

Aaron: Oh my God! Is it time? Oh, come on! [Gets into a car] We need to get you to the hospital right away! Mary broke the toaster! I mean, did you break the toaster or did you break the toaster?

Kara: I broke the toaster, Roger.

Aaron: Oh, you broke the toaster. Well, I can fix it. [Shelly enters in near tears]

Shelly: Mom? Dad? I broked the nose off my teddy bear. [Both Aaron and Kara become excited, jumping around screaming]

Kara: She broke the nose off her teddy bear!

Aaron: Oh, it's about time!

Kara: We'll go the hospital, honey. [They get into a car and start forcing in Shelly]

Aaron: You're a real woman now.

Kara: Get in, honey… [Shelly sits in the car]

Aaron: Wait, did you break the nose off your teddy bear?

Shelly: I broked the nose off my teddy bear!

Kara: Oh, you broke the nose off your teddy bear. [Everyone but Shelly gets out of the car]

Aaron: Oh, I can fix that.

Kara: Yeah, Dad can fix that.

Shelly: Well…I'm getting out of the car now… [Shelly gets out of the car]

Kara: I'm sorry…

Aaron: Darling, I'm leaving you for a man.

Kara: Oh, you're leaving me for a man?

Aaron: No, really, I'm leaving you for a man.

Kara: Oh, you're leaving me for a man…

Aaron: Yeah. Um, but I broke the toaster, and I pulled the nose off the teddy bear before I'm gone and I skinned the cat and cried over the spilled milk.

Kara: Alright. Just tell me that you caught the toad and I'll let you go.

Aaron: Don't bring that up again! This is why I'm leaving you!

Shelly: Oh! I am going to be fucked up later in life! (big audience laugh)

[Transition]

Aaron: Well, I'm going to have one.

Shelly: Thank you.

Aaron: Well, pull up a chair, have a cigar, you're dead – it doesn't matter!

Shelly: I know!

Kara:: At last you've got all the time in the world. But you're not in the world anymore.

Aaron: You're in Heaven!

Kara: Yes.

Shelly: I think I'm a little confused because, I, when you commit suicide, I thought they didn't put you in Heaven.

Kara: Haha! That's what we tell people.

Aaron: Yeah, it's cool – that was the old Heaven.

Shelly: Oh.

Aaron: Yeah. This is the new Heaven. We had to move.

Kara: It's improved. We have so much more space now. Be glad you weren't here before.

Aaron: We used to be down the street by the big pearly gates.

Shelly: Yeah.

Kara: Pearly Gates are soooo nineteenth century.

Shelly: Well, I'm certainly excited to see…[Aaron gives Shelly a contract]oh!

Aaron: Just read it, fill it out. Sign. We just want to make sure that you're comfortable, get you in the right apartment, with the right family…

Shelly: Sure, sure. I didn't know it was so much like planet Earth here.

Aaron: Yeah, there's just so many souls here that we try to keep things in order.

Kara: Hahaha! Even Heaven has paperwork.

Aaron: Yes, yes, you say it's a [can't tell] version of Heaven and Hell here…

Kara: Hahaha! Yes.

Shelly: Uh, if I don't end up liking it, do you guys have any buildings?

Aaron: Yeah, we do have buildings, but I don't think you want to go into the buildings.

Kara: You're a building goer, huh?

Shelly: I was just thinking…

Aaron: If she wants to go into a building, I think we should let her going into a building.

Kara: I didn't say anything! If she wants to go into a building, I say we just let her go into a building.

Aaron: Uh, yeah, you can go into a building if you want to. Fuck Heaven, right?

Kara: Yeah, who needs Heaven if you've got a building. [Transition, same topic]

Shelly: Uh, excuse me, Jesus and God, but you have some angels and they're telling people they can go into buildings.

Aaron: What? Buildings? They can't go into buildings. Kara: Yes, I do not make buildings, I make the world!

Shelly: Yeah, and it goes around and around. From that, things happen inside of it and…

Kara: I know! [Transition, same topic, everyone's picketing]

Aaron: We want more buildings, hear us, God! Build more buildings! I would like a luscious two-building apartment. I would like a furnace and a bathroom.

Kara: Will not stop until I get a ceiling! Sick of wide-open spaces!

Shelly: I would like to be able to see where energy goes and see where it comes from and see where plants and water come from and how rocks and soil interconnect, do you hear me?

All: Yeah! [Transition] [Aaron's on stage. Kara and Shelly are sitting close to the stage] Hi, welcome to the Afterlife Café. I'm your host, Beezlebub. How ya' doing? We have some really fantastic entertainment while you're here, I mean where are you going?

Kara: Where's Horace!? Hahahaha!

Shelly: Yeah, he's a riot!

Aaron: Don't make me sick Cerebus on you!

Shelly: Hahaha! Tell a penis joke! Get dirty, we're in Hell, we can do that down here! Talk about tits and vaginas!

Aaron: Hey, no, this is my art form here…

Shelly: Oh, no, shut up!

Aaron: No, I have jokes about my things because I want to give people a different look.

Shelly: Well, no one wants to hear that! We're all fallen. You hear me? [Shelly pantomimes sex] I fell hard!

Kara: We all fell hard!

Aaron: No, that's not alright. Look, we're all burning and burning everyday. I would like to give us a little bit of enlightenment here.

Shelly: Well, enlighten some brokenness, okay? Talk about how the needle felt when it went in. Or, better yet, a big, hard penis!

Aaron: Listen, that's not okay. No, this is a family-oriented show. Excuse me, if you could be quiet, I could just carry on.

Shelly: Yeah you better, because the crowd's really getting restless. The Hell's Angels might come up on stage and kill some people!

Aaron: Hey, will you please be quiet. There's some etiquette in Hell.

Shelly: Yeah, I bet. So let's see it. Or whatever.

Aaron: So, anyway, these two Peanuts are walking down the street…

Shelly: Oh, I just farted! That smells!

Kara: Hahahaha! See, farts are funny! Funnier than peanuts!

Shelly: Don't eat the beans! Don't eat the beans around here!

Aaron: Don't talk on my punch lines, please. The people out there are here for half an hour, and they're just going back to getting their livers eaten by vultures, so please…

Shelly: Hey, hey, if you wanted my stench to come up there and you didn't know who it was from, that's okay. I was just trying to save your nose.

Aaron: Excuse me, so, this woman is in a bar, and she hears, "Hey, you look very nice tonight," and she looks around and she says "Hey, I don't see anybody…"

Shelly: Oh, I think some poop came out!

Kara: Yeah, you can see a stain on it…

Aaron: You know what, alright, fuck this, listen you want to try? Because I'm done. I don't have time for this.

Shelly: Oh, no, no.

Aaron: Oh, no, no? Why don't you come up here, Ms. Blabbermouth and fart and shit and stuff? Everyone wants to hear it.

Shelly: I just thought maybe we were all having some sort of Hell experience since we're here together.

Aaron: Oh, you thought you were helping out?

Shelly: Yeah.

Aaron: Well, you're not helping out! You're not helping out!

Shelly: Oh, really? I thought they were enjoying my bits of notions.

Kara: I really was! Hahahaha!

Shelly: My little stinky bits!

Kara: Little stinky bits! Hahahaha!

Aaron: Thank you for coming to the Hell Café…alright fuck this!

Shelly: Yeah, fuck this! [Transition]

Shelly: Um…we are…out of staples.

Kara: Oh, no! Staples… [Aaron comes with a box]

Aaron: Staples.

Kara: Here you go.

Shelly: Oh, uh, I wanted to tell you too, the meeting that changed to 3 got changed to 4 and you can't go to it because you have that meeting at 4 you always go to.

Kara: Oh, that's right. [Aaron picks up a phone]

Aaron: BRING! BRING! [Kara picks up her phone]

Kara: Hello?

Aaron: Oh, hey, uh, don't worry about that four o'clock meeting, it's cancelled.

Kara: Oh! I'll be at your meeting.

Shelly: Oh, uh…

Kara: Your four o'clock meeting, we'll reschedule the other meeting.

Shelly: Oh, uh, crazy. Oh, also, also, I'm sorry about this, but the salad that you always ordered from Richard's, they didn't have it today, they were out of the organic greens… [Aaron comes by with a platter]

Aaron: Excuse me, eh! We found one more! It was in the back.

Kara: Thank you! You're so sweet!

Aaron: And because we didn't think we had it, it's free.

Kara: No…

Aaron: It's free! No, here's five bucks.

Kara: Wow. This salad is really the best.

Shelly: So, uh, maybe this is the time to tell you that I'm pregnant, so I'm going to leave the job starting now… [Aaron walks over and punches Shelly in the stomach repeatedly]

Aaron: Hey! You can stay! Here's an extra salad! THE END!

i liked it.

2006-02-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

I like most movies when I first see them. Not a flaw it would seem, except while at Sundance, where I’m seeing 2-4 movies a day. And, the very lifeblood of festivals seems to be picking something apart afterward.

Do I appear a bit naïve when I say “I liked it”? Maybe. But, at the time it’s true. I have an emotional attachment to each story…and with the emotional experience, it takes a while for me to articulate the emotions into words. That’s not to say I don’t see its flaws in films or have critiques. I just suspend them for the duration of the movie and it takes a while after the credits are done rolling for my critical nature to bubble back up.

Once my critical nature returns, I can tear apart a film with the best of them. And, I’m not quite proud of that.

Altitude Sickness

2006-01-22T01:55:00.000-08:00

I don't get it. (I mean I get it as in "I understand it", but I don't get it as in "I can't breathe, or feel sick, or have to throw up.")

Sundance - Part 1

2006-01-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

Some people have New Year's Resolutions, I have Sundance Resolutions (or have, as this is the first time I've ever set said "Resolutions"...but I digress)

This year: I will write about Sundance. Something. Every Day.

(Now, no promises for blogs every day, but I will at least put pen to page)

So, to start...Hm...how about a look at the

1st film of my 2006 Sundance experience "Jewboy":

The story of an Australian Orthodox Jew, his life, and (dare I say) sexuality. Anyone who knows me knows I get on my soapbox about some things, one of those being the "Christian Bubble" and particularily how it pertains to sexuality.

Well, I felt like this film was about the "Jewish Bubble", and it totally intranced me. The strictness of the Jewish laws, and how they don't allow physical contact outside the family. The understated sexuality that during the first part of the film was only seen by a look in his eye. It was refreshing to feel like they were toeing the line of what is allowed and what is forbidden, without toeing the line of mainstream society. (if there even is a line anymore...)

Stick with me moment: In the first 10 minutes the main character (Uri??) is in the kitchen after his father's funeral, where his former girlfriend is helping cook. He stands next to her and traces her fingers in the flour on the counter, coming ever so close to touching (remember: forbidden). Her breath becomes shallow with sexual tension. He then goes to touch her hand (forbidden), and then coyly says he's going to wipe the flour from her face, (forbidden!) but then blows it off with a little puff. Finally, he says (almost threatens) to kiss her before she walks away.

Poignancy: There was a scene in "Munich" where they talk of how every culture is faced with sacrifices its ideals...and this film made me think about the things my culture has as "forbidden" and how it's human nature to take a piece of that forbidden fruit.

Little Kara Lee

2006-01-12T09:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I need a little perspective on my life. It gets so messy close up and I need to get a view of the whole picture. I’m sure there’s many different techniques to get this view, to me I only have to think of one question:

What would Little Kara Lee think of grown-up Kara Lee’s life?

(by the way, I came up with this concept before Disney’s “the Kid” ever came out…but it’s basically the same concept)

You see little Kara Lee was a dreamer. Shy, awkward, insecure, but hopeful. Hopeful when she grows up she will be all that she dreams of. But yet, she never saw a way for that to be a reality. Then, somehow, magically she grew up and became grown-up Kara Lee.

Grown-up Kara Lee is happy. (mostly) Working and living in NYC. And, though Kara Lee may not always be satisfied at where she is 5 years out of college. Little Kara Lee has a whole different perspective.

So, what would Little Kara Lee think of grown-up Kara Lee’s life?

“You live in New York city?!! That’s so awesome!
You have the coolest friends! Really, they’re so cool!
You actually work as an actor? Writer? In New York City?!! Wow!”

But, this whole theory was heightened to the –nth degree when the ultimate little Kara Lee dream happened Tuesday this week.

“You met Martha Stewart?! You were on tv!! Out of an entire audience of people, you were chosen…to be on tv, to be interviewed by Martha Stewart! TV!! MARTHA STEWART!!!” (Little Kara Lee does a little happy dance)

Thank you, Little Kara Lee. I’m proud to be the grown up you.

“You’re welcome. How come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

(sigh) Thanks a lot Little Kara Lee.

My worst flight

2005-11-29T18:49:00.000-08:00

(I promise this has a happy ending)

I had the worst flight of my life today. (not exaggerating) It started when they closed the door, and the guy on the other side of the aisle from me threw up. Made his way to the bathroom (which was only 2 aisles back) where we had the pleasure of hearing him continue to throw up for approximately…eternity.

Then there was the engine problems (don’t worry we won’t in the air), and the waiting for takeoff. As I sat on the (nonmoving) plane, I had (a lot) of time to sit and think on the ground, about Detroit, New York, and my life in between.

I love New York, and less than a week ago I didn’t want to leave to go be with my family in Michigan for Thanksgiving. But, there’s always a little apprehension in returning to New York after a visit anywhere, particularily a visit home to Detroit. Before you leave, the ball is rolling, work, play, friends, you’ve got your groove. Then…you leave and return to usually find the ball at a complete stand still.

As I sat on the (turbulence ridden, but finally in the air) flight, I thought of my current life. A life I love, but a life that is changing quickly. Almost every aspect of my life is currently in the process of changing…my job ends at the end of the year, my roommate moves out in March, a show closed that I’ve been working on for 2 years, and I have some new but more independent creative projects…

And, as I sat during the (very bumpy) landing, I thought about how the transition back into city life can be. It’s hard to feel like you leave a hole in a city that already barely has room for you, but basically I wanted to be missed.

Then, during my (pleasant and prompt) cab ride back to my apartment, I remember how much I love my life, struggles, changes and all.

(Ready to get that ball rollin’ again) I walk in to a clean apartment. On our table was a plate of chocolate chip cookies, and a Sephora gift pack from the strangers who guested at our apartment while we were away. Best of all, I had mail waiting…a packet from Sundance confirming I will be there this January, and a contract from the magazine I just sold a piece to. (Paid. As in, for money. Yippee!) The only thing that could have made me any more certain my city missed me is if I had a voicemail from a boy saying “I missed you”. (sigh) There’s always my next trip… =)

my web-site

2005-10-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Go to karaleeburk.com and click on 'blog' for my most current blog stuff...

Thanks.

Three (that's the outside)

2005-09-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

(This is a birthday card from my friend, Rachel. I thought it was hilarious, so I'm posting it here...)

(inside)
Kara, (her handwriting)
It's your day to celebrate (printed on card)
Turning 3* is really great! (printed on card except the asterisk which is added in)

Wishing a A Very Happy Birthday (printed)
(all Rachel's handwriting...which is perfect by the way...from here on out)
Love, Rachel

*Okay, so technically I know you're not turning three - that was at least a couple of years ago - but weren't birthdays cooler when you were? I mean, you got balloons and pinatas and cake with your favorite cartoon on it, and none of your friends were too busy temping to come to your party - child labor laws rock - plus all the cards have fun rhymes about how cool it is that it's your birthday rather than saying stuff like "I hope you get laid man!" or "Oh my God, like isn't buying five hundred pairs of shoes and eating chocolate cream truffles like the best way to spend your birthday ever?!?!!" or "I am so indifferent to the day you entered the world that I failed to notice how tacky this card is." Growing up's a drag. Well, Happy Birthday!)

Thank You , Rachel!! Growing up is a drag, but your card made me laugh, and even became "blog-worthy".

First post

2005-08-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

(sigh) my first blog post. (long cliche pause as I think about how I feel conflicted on whether I'm happy about starting this blog or not) Bear with me as I try to figure out my "blog persona". And, I don't know what it is. But I guess (warning, cliche follows) a lot of learning who you are is learning what you're not. So here are a few of my thoughts on the "blog persona"s I don't want :

"The Ranter" - I don't want to go on and on about what I don't like about mundane things in life, how angry they make me and how my only outlet of rage is my blog which other people will read, and either agree and join in my rant, or disagree and therefore begin a counter-rant against me. I don't want to be a blogger who types words and more words hoping it will get the rage out, but it doesn't. Ever. It just gets them more mad, and full of rage, right?! Why don't they learn? I mean I hate those people, you know! OOoo...I've had it with them...that's it. I'm going to spend the next 15 blog entries getting my rage out about those ridiculous ranters, because they...oh...wait, if I rant about the ranters I will be one of them, and I just said I don't want to be one of them.

"The Gossip" - I do not want to be an on-line gossip. I don't want to write about a bad date I had last week, and I will not get back at the guy by telling embarassing stories of how bad of a date it was to an invisible, anonymous cyber audience. But, maybe that's less because I don't want to gossip and more because I don't really go on dates...although there was this one guy who...shoot! My gossip nature is struggling to get out...I must not become one of them.

"The Soapboxer" - I do not want my blog to be my personal soapbox. I don't want to be a ranter on the non-mundane things of life. Politics, religion, and other topics that have this world at each others throats. Now, I do love that I could write about that stuff on here, I have the freedom of speech and all, but come on, I'd rather spread the love, talk about what we have in common not what divides, and basically every other sacchrine cliche you can throw out there. Come on, people! Love!! Do I need to say that louder, use a megaphone, maybe get on my...soapbox...once again, I need to stop, I'm becoming one of them.

So if I'm not those things what am I?

"The Alienator" - Well, I used the phrase 'one of them' too many times...if I don't want to be a ranter, a soapboxer, or a gossiper, what else is there to talk about? I've alienated myself from my own blog.

...at least I don't have to feel pressure to (ever) write another entry.